Mom dating

These are such odd times, aren’t they? I just finished a FaceTime call with my dear mom. A date.

She is in a senior home that has to be locked down because of the virus of course. My dad is there too but he is in the other side, where they don’t need quite as much help. When the centre first closed to outside visitors my dad was still able to go and visit my mom so we started Facetiming together. He would take his phone to her room and we would talk a bit and my mom would be horrified at looking at the little picture of herself in the corner. I told her, “No, no, you never look at the picture of yourself when Facetiming!” I guess I’ve not mastered the angles needed because I always have twice the chins and half the eye width. Best to studiously avoid.

Before this my mom and I, and sometimes my dad, had been doing a little bit of meditating together. We would close our eyes and do a little 5-minute one from the app on my phone. I would cheat a bit and squint open my eyes to see if she was liking it. She was and we would end up doing a couple. It just felt good to breathe deeply and relax.

When we got to the part where my dad could get to my mom but I couldn’t we decided to try it over FaceTime but the very day we set up a little afternoon time for it was the day my dad got locked down on his side.

Such tough things. My parents have been married since 1952 and my dad was so worried to not be able to see her. So the Centre set it up so he could FaceTime with her. The head of my mom’s side would take her phone in to my mom every afternoon, bless her, and my parents could have a little talk and see each other. I guess as the need for this became evident it had to get a bit more organized and structured so everyone could have a chance, so now my dad gets to talk three times a week and, bonus, I get a Tuesday morning call.

A few weeks ago it was her birthday and I scratched my head how to celebrate it even the teensiest bit. In the end I put on a dress and makeup and held up old photos I had from when my parents were first courting. My dad has always used the word smitten to describe how he felt about mom from the start. I think it shows, right? Both directions?

Smitten. I love that word.

Mom could see the photos when I held them right up to my laptop camera and it was nice to hear her talk about when they were taken. She has changed a lot over the last couple of years, the last half a year or so in particular, and it makes me so sad. I love it when I get to hear my mom talking. I miss the bits of her that have left and I love the bits I still get.

At the end of our call I held up a painted heart I have hanging with some others on the wall. Said Happy Birthday and here was her happy birthday heart.

She loved it and then right away reached for the Pippin heart that she has in her room and held it up to me. That got me teary, you bet.

So today we got our weekly call again and I decided I’d continue the tradition of dressing up for our date, actually putting on a nice shirt and pants instead of sweat stuff, and I even added lipstick and hairspray so you can see that I was shamelessly flirting. We had a nice talk, I could see that my mom’s room was lit up with sunshine and I hope that she is starting to see flowers out her window. We chitty chatted and then it was time to go, and I had to push the little red button to end the call, and I sat back and did that funny shuddery breathing where you’re not actually crying but boy, it could happen.

So happy I was able to connect. Odd times but the little things have grown so big. I think that might be good. I’m reaching out my heart to all of you figuring out your own ways.